In Memoriam

My father passed on April 22nd, 2016. Born on January 25, 1945, he was 71 years old.

It had already been a long time since I saw him last. I left Manila for a trip to Mexico on July 6th, 2005, and didn’t return until April 13th of this year.

My original plan was to visit later this year, in July, for at least a month. But my dad was hospitalized in early April, and waiting until then didn’t seem like a good idea.

I’m glad I didn’t wait. And I am so grateful for how “easy” it was for me to get here…from getting our US visas (from Mexico to Manila, passing through the US is the fastest and cheapest way to go) – including scheduling the interviews, having a place to stay that was close to the embassy, going around town, the interview itself, and getting our passports back – to purchasing the tickets, and missing 3 weeks of work…everyone has been so incredibly supportive and loving during this time…I am infinitely grateful.

10 years, almost 11, actually.
Despite the way technology has been able to bring people living on opposite sides of the globe closer, Papa and I didn’t really form that cybernetic bond. Yes, we texted once in a while…but he wasn’t on Facebook, nor did we Skype or use any other video chat service.

Bummer…a bit.
I guess at the end of the day we were so connected that we didn’t need that kind of noospheric communication…we were into telepathy!

My father introduced me to All That Is Divine, you know. He opened my Heart and my Spirit to a realm where myth, mystery and magic abound. When I arrived we were able to talk and catch up (the next evening we went back to the ICU, and his condition steadily declined from thereon)…funny how he asked about my trip to the desert, which was my biggest spiritual awakening and something that marked my path like no other heart-opening experience did.

I am so grateful my daughter Ananta Malaya was able to meet my father when he was still relatively strong, and not when he was already frail and in the hospital. They hugged, and talked in her mother tongue – Spanish, a language he learned when he was in Mexico, trying to win my mom over. Oh Love!

As a tribute to my first love (Papa)…a new and colorful scar, close to one I already have for my biggest love (Ananta)…

whole back

Ang Sarimanok ni Tete

Tete…the name people knew Hon. Jose Ubalde Alberto Jr., my father by.
A manok (rooster), because he was very much into cockfighting, and the Sarimanok…because it is a medium to the spirit world, etc.

I love you, Pa. Always, in all ways.

*Thank you to Mia Loca of Chronic Ink Philippines, for my wonderful new tattoo.

For you, Patty

In honor of Patricia (the hurricane)
sparing the beautiful city of Puerto Vallarta, where we live…
And as an offering to The One who penned her a note with a request,
that my girl unexpectedly obliged…

dear patty

I Am Here in a room
with Wine
and Prayers (Tabacco)
and new, red lipstick.

Our time changed today, in Mexico…
Oh, how they do.

Some cloudy days by the sea
when the sky eclipses blue-gray opaque waters,
I string nonsensical syllables into Song
much like you,
when you Move Silence.

This non-sense:
a tribute to your absence,
an acoustic concerto on voice
coupled with the whispers of the waves,
accompanied by the beat of the Heart.

like that evening;
dark clouds just blew in.

In the Land Of My Birth,
They say
an ugly voice calls in the Rain.

But isn’t the Medicine Man the one who chants for the Waters to come?

It might not be the sweetest intonation,
but their’s is a Powerful Invocation.

I am an Urban Shaman.
I am the City’s Rainmaker.
Crying down the Heavens like I did that day,
when you led the release of what I carry inside…
O Holiness.

Hear Me Now!
My Body’s Song…
Poetry in Motion.

– ara, 9.2014


I’m sorry
I spoke of things about you that had nothing to do with me
It was not my place to save face
when The Truth Is
I was Just As Guilty too.

So should I come clean?
Bare It All?
The Way I once did for you?

I’m grappling
with the feeling of a raw heart ripped open
Knowing trust has been broken
by your own hand.

There is no excuse!
So I’ll let you have the last say.

You’re welcome
To rip me out like an unwanted page in your story
Mark as just another bleep in your Song.

I abandoned Her!
Dust bunnies humping all over Her Room
Now I’m scared to enter…
Where did my subtlety go???

I’m sorry!
Am Eager
To Bite into the Forbidden Fruit of Passion.

See, its all part of how I Make A Living
and I Do It All With Heart.
Sometimes bleeding,
like tonight.

I Am Woman,
Pussy-ing Up to my actions.
I’m sorry I am also Human
And that only you know where I’m Coming From.


Words come to me.
I willingly let them in,
all the way down,
to root me back into this Divine Experience called Life.

There’s something about Writing;
fingers playing with a string of Words,
hands desperately searching for just the Right Touch.

Then there’s Speaking your piece,
Words slip out of the mouth
glide over soft lips and land gently on another’s ear…

Come to Me.
I summon you this evening
under the sly smile of the Moon.
Carefully unravel The Mystery
Take me back to Divinity
This is my Prayer.


Words Come
to Me!
From the Heavens in my Heart
to the sea in your eyes where your Soul resides
I send to you my Warmth.



White Sheets
Purple-blue night skies
A goblet of red,
Honoring the memory of you.

Under a mural of broken shadows I lay,
Listening to Oceano’s songs
Paco’s 6 guitar strings,
the 5th track:

For – …

Slender fingers carve your name in Space
Scratching more details to the surface,
Your body’s shape emerges,
Your lightness is embedded on my mattress,
And now,
there is no rest for me in this place!

So I help myself to the thought of Another…
Is it wrong its not you I think of when I listen to our song?

Your warmth remains strapped to my bed.
That, I guard jealously.

It’s all I have left –
a single golden thread,

and that mysterious scent of yours.



I want to know how my Writing makes you feel
The way Words Strung Together move across pages
   through your eyes
and deep into your gut
   Let your loins speak, Boy!
Rest assured, I will listen.

I am intrigued by your reception…
 Could there really be resonance in this happenstance of a connection?
So I draw myself close…
Enough to expose the darkest recesses of this Soul,
baring parts of me that have never stood in the spotlight.
This Show is exclusively for you, Honey.

I had forgotten what Being Seen feels like.
Your Witnessing breaks me open,
Your Attention has made me blossom,
and the Heart beneath my bosom – flutters.

Do you like what you see?
It sure seemed like it…
So now that you know where I’m coming from,
   why the sudden change with your signals and station?
I see no sign of you in the horizon.

From the very beginning.
Mismatched frequencies that just so happened to collide
For a moment in Time, not even in Space.

I am grateful all the same.
You’ve changed the way my Songs are conceived;
how I’d like to be perceived, received.
   It’s still you I long for…
but not for much longer, I believe.

I miss your Presence.
I feel the distance.
And its now official…

This isn’t going anywhere but down.

Remembering Past Lives & Loves

wine + beer

I used to drink alone.
Single, with everyone else partnered except me.

Later taken, my boy stayed home while I partied the nights away.
That didn’t work out, of course.

So I traveled across the open sea,
but not before reaching the height of the heavens with fiery flings,
and other such things.


On this land, there were those that danced their way into my heart.
In the desert, on the hillside.

ytt grad celeb - danzantes

Yet it was the Waters that brought me a great love.
This One’s fear and doubt tore us apart.
So accustomed he had grown to my presence, he came running back into my arms.

Silly me for letting him back in
And again.
No more…no more!

here comes the sun

Nearly a decade now on this side of the Pacific,
who would’ve thought I would be reunited with magic?

And yet, no matter how much of it there is,
stories don’t always have a fairy tale ending.
Heart weary, it is now all a blur.


The only thing that’s clear is the sight of what lies ahead.